marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
