There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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