You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
