Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize