they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
that is very illegal...i love you.
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