I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
