I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
