Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize