when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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