butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
