Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
