you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
