Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
