ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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