WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
