i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
