Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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