My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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