Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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