I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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