Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize