fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like iHOP with fire
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
