it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
