It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize