I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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