my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
