is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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