4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
