Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
