I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
