everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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