Hey man sorry I got all grabby
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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