I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
