I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
