i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
