I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
