New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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