I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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