I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize