But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
