Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
