So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize