I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
