my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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