She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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