There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
