She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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