This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
