I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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