The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
