this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
