she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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