Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
