so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
