I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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