Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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