i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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