its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
