and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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