Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
