What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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