Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
