East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
