There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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