Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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