You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
