His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
