he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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