Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
