Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
