So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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