i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
