Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize