My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
