I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
