No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
