Your tits are I can't wait for
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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