MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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