she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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