i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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