I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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