We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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