i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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