i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
