Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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