i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
