Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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