so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
