The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
