You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
