i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
