ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
