It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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